Is your child starting to feel anxious about returning to school? Here are ten tips on how to help them!

The email from my past student (C.B.) going into high school read:

“If I’m being honest, I was already nervous for high school before the pandemic, so I’m even more nervous now, as are a lot of my friends. It’s scary because we’re starting over at the bottom of the food chain with new people and new teachers that we haven’t even seen before, and we’re in a different building with different rules, and everything seems uncertain and confusing. We’re losing the team and pod structure that we’ve found safety in for the past three years, and instead have to figure out new schedules and systems in a time where we can barely even hang out with friends to at least feel less alone. I know that I’ll be fine and high school will be fun, things will work out, yadda yadda, but I’m not going to deny that I’m anxious about it. I’ll try to come visit you when I can!”

First of all, I think she is more mature than I am. I love how she is so in touch with her feelings. If you know me personally, had I been speaking to her in person, I would have rushed over to give her a big hug at this point. But you know, there is this thing called a pandemic going on, so I couldn’t. Having taught 8th graders for over 25 years, I know that going into high school always causes some anxiety; now we add all of the nuances to this situation, and kids are experiencing a lot of anxiety. (Note to self: keep this in mind for your incoming sixth graders too.)

What can parents do?

Tip #1: Start a discussion

Start that discussion with your child now. What are their fears? Listen. Let them know that feeling anxious is normal. If they are going to a new school, let them know that the high school seniors will be anxious (or the 8th graders) as well, so now the playing field has been leveled. (Thanks, KS, for that tip.) Don’t ask them in front of their siblings. No way would I have talked about my fears in middle school with my siblings around. Find a private time when the two of you can just chat. Ask them what they know about Covid-19, and make sure they are getting the correct information as well.

Tip #2: Be honest

Share with them exactly how school might look when they return to the building. For those of us that need to see the “bigger picture” before we experience something, help your child to create that picture in their head.

Will they have their temperature taken as they walk in the school door or will you do it at home? Will they need to follow signs on the floor and stay six feet apart? Will they be able to carry their backpacks? Will they only be able to touch their own computer? What should they do if they forget something at home? What will lunchtime look like? What should they do if they sneeze in their mask? (I still wonder about this also.) Will they carry a water bottle since drinking fountains will be shut down? Should they carry an extra mask in case something happens to the one they are wearing? How often should they wash their hands? Now, you know your child best. If all of this information will stress them out even more, then stick to the basics.

Remind them that teachers will be trained on how to help them and keep them safe as possible.

Tip #3: Set up times with friends

Let’s be honest, some of us haven’t seen our friends in four months. The same goes with kids, and they are anxious that they won’t be able to “hang out” like they normally do at school. Encourage your kids to find ways to bond with their friends, if it won’t happen during the school day, and with social distancing, of course. (This will be especially important if your kids are doing eLearning at first.) I know some kids struggle with this on a good day. Talk about ways they can join activities after school, or set up times for them to talk with their friends online. You’d be amazed how many kids talk to each other through their video games.

Tip #4: Don’t tell them, “You have nothing to worry about.”

Telling kids that it is silly for them to worry or that they are just being dramatic is a recipe for failure. If you’re raising a teenager, this is about the time that they will go stomping off to their room mumbling that adults just don’t understand. Back to tip #1, just listen.

Tip #5: Practice wearing the mask before school starts

Remember that your child will wear at mask for at least 7 1/2 hours (minus the time for lunch). It’s not a good idea to wait until the first day of school to strap a mask on them while pushing them out of the door, I mean…telling them to have a good day. You want to make sure it fits well, doesn’t itch their face, and doesn’t hurt them behind the ears. Some kids have sensitivity issues to different materials. You don’t want your child to figure out that the mask is driving them crazy while in the middle of class. Don’t forget to teach them how to wear their mask the right way.

Tip #6: Get them outside

Speaking of spending an extremely long time in a mask during the day, encourage your child to get outside when they get home from school. I know many parents want their child to finish their homework before they can go outside to play, but you might want to change up this routine. Some schools are keeping the students in the same room all day, even at the secondary level, so kids will need to get some energy out (or take a nap) before they can focus on homework. I’ve already told my husband that I am heading outside to watch the birds or heading to the bedroom to listen to my Calm app when I get home from work.

Definitely encourage them to not use any technology for a certain amount of time, since chances are that technology will be used more instead of passing out paper in class. If you have introverts returning to school, you might want to check out this post on my previous blog. I have tips for parents if you scroll down to the bottom : https://tbdteacher.tumblr.com/post/148606897009/teaching-tip-take-care-of-the-introverts

Tip #7: Stick to a routine

You probably had a routine set up while your child was headed out the door in the morning from last year. This year might look a little differently this year. Try putting a checklist of what they will need by the door. Include everything that they should have with them such as a mask, their own lunch, hand sanitizer, their computer, their own book, binder, writing utensils, etc. For our district, you will want to take your child’s temperature before they head out the door, so they aren’t sent home when they get to the bus or at the school door.

Tip #8: Let them feel the feelz (as my sister would say)

Celebrate the positives with them, but be prepared for them to be a little more emotional than normal. They are going to experience losses this year. There won’t be the normal field trips, dances, assemblies, etc. You know, all of the fun parts from school that we remember. Yes, they may have to whine about it to get it out of their system. I know I will. My husband keeps hearing me talk about not being able to hug or high five my kids. This is a huge loss for me this year as a teacher.

Your kids won’t be able to share a seat with their friends, crack up while watching a video together on the computer, hug their friends when they see them, etc. In middle school? Boys put their arms around each other or push and shove, even more than the girls. This won’t happen anymore and it will be a loss for them.

Tip #9: Check your own behaviors

Kids watch the adults in their life constantly. Each year, I ask my students if they look at the body language of their parents and teachers when they walk in the door. Most of them say yes. (It’s a lesson about your body language when you walk on the stage before speaking, but you get the point.) Kids will need to see that we are acting safe and calm (teachers, take heed of this as well). They look to you for security. This isn’t the time to share all of your fears about having them returning to school. My students? They won’t know that I will be feeling anxious unless they want to talk about it.

Tip #10: Teach them to be flexible

Chances are that we will end up at home doing online learning at some point during the school year, according to the experts. Prepare your kids for this as well to help lessen their anxiety. Have a space set up for them ahead of time. Get their feedback on what worked for them and what didn’t at home last spring. Were there too many distractions? Do they need to be closer to someone that can help them? Do they have friends they can call for help if they have questions at night? If someone in their class tests positive for Covid-19, each student will be quarantined for approximately 2 school weeks starting the very next day. Don’t wait until this happens. Your child will feel better knowing that there is a plan in place.

How did I respond to my past student to help with her anxiety? I put in some tips about what I have already shared with you, but I also wanted her to know my standpoint as a teacher. Here is a part of the response:

I can tell you this as a teacher.  My time right now is spent trying to figure out how to make my students feel as safe and connected as possible when they return, especially my 6th graders. This year, more than ever, time will be spent on making sure kids feel okay about school.  Yes, it will be weird at times.  Yes, it will be awkward at times.  Yes, it will be frustrating at times.  However, everyone will be in the same boat.  You just have to make sure you know where to go or who to talk to when you need support.  You can always send me emails of just yelling if you need to get it out of your system.  Ha.  Think about it now…what will you do at the end of the day when you need to get rid of some high school stress?  Walk?  Talk with friends?  Eat ice-cream? (ha).  It’s good to have that plan in place.  🙂