Judi Holst, Author at TBD Teacher

10 Ways to Help Your Perfectionistic Teen

01.05.2020 by Judi Holst // Leave a Comment

“Don’t aim for perfection. Aim for ‘better than yesterday’.”
― Izey Victoria Odiase

As parents and teachers, you want your child to achieve whatever he sets out to do, but for some perfectionistic kids, this can come at a cost.

Imagine you sit down to write a paper for class. You know you’re a good writer, in fact, you have been identified as gifted in writing. You write your first paragraph. It’s not good enough, so you delete it. You do this five more times. You walk away. It’s not going to be good enough, you think, so why try? If this sounds like your own child or a child in your class, I want to give you ten tips on how to help them.

In a society where failure is frowned upon, perfectionistic teens have debilitating and anxiety-filled tendencies. It’s easier for perfectionists to not even attempt the task because then they will be 100% sure that they won’t fail.

Hear it from the teens themselves:

Hearing from my past students may help you understand perfectionism from their point of view. Thank you Riley for sharing your “This I Believe” video about perfectionism.

Thank you, K.D., for sharing what it’s like for you to live with perfectionism.

We tend to think it would be great to have kids or students with perfectionism. Who doesn’t want someone who strives to do their best 100% of the time? Unfortunately, this isn’t a healthy state for kids to be in. It can lead to clinical issues such as depression, low self-esteem, and anxiety. It can be self-imposed perfectionism, other-oriented (such as parents), and socially prescribed (as in social media).

Do you wonder if your child is a perfectionist? Since everyone loves a quiz about themselves, here is a quick one that you or your child can take online:

https://www.verywellmind.com/quiz-are-you-a-perfectionist-4006910?quizResult=6d80b3fa

What? The results came out that your child is a perfectionist? Here are ten tips that you can do to help your child or student in class. Many of these came out of my Gifted and Talented Parent Group that I facilitate at my school each week.

Ten Tips:

1. What is the worst that is going to happen? If your child is starting to stress about the outcome of an activity or project, take the time to ask them, “What is the worst that is going to happen?” Then ask them, “What is the best thing that can happen?” Help them see that their fear of failure can actually lead to success in the long run. A week or so later, ask them what actually did happen. Rarely will their worst fears have come true.

2. Trust that the failure won’t hurt them. It’s only natural for a parent to want to jump in to help your child when they are struggling. However, this can drive your child to feel insecure in their own abilities. You need to trust that the failure won’t hurt them. As one of my GT parents said, “Helping a kid…isn’t to help a kid feel better.” If a parent feels more relaxed about the failure, then the child will feel more relaxed as well.

3. Share the failures of your own life. Obviously, this statement doesn’t fit for kids of all ages, but if you have a teenager or you teach one, share some of your own struggles in life. They need to see that everyone struggles and fails at times in life, and then share what you have learned from your failure. As a public speaking teacher, I share stories with my students about my struggles of presenting to big groups. I feel like I basically bombed a presentation once, but I definitely learned a lot from it. It’s important for them to hear that everyone struggles in life at times.

4. Change the way you teach at times. As a teacher, remember that you don’t always have to do something the way you learned how to do it as a student. Let kids struggle. Let them show YOU how they achieved the answer, instead of the other way around. Let them tell you how they would change the unit you just completed in class in order to make it better. Let them see that it might not have been “perfect” the first time you taught it.

5. What did you learn from this? Kids need to see that things won’t always be perfect. No one can give 100% to everything 100% of the time. This one will be your most difficult tip. Encourage your child to be late to school one day. Encourage them to miss a problem on purpose. Encourage them to say a wrong answer out loud. They need to learn that the world didn’t end because something didn’t go perfectly as expected. Trust me, this will not be easy for them.

6. It’s not a big deal. Never. Say. This. Period. By telling your perfectionistic child that their fear of not completing something perfectly “isn’t a big deal,” you are diminishing their feelings. If they come to you about their fears, you are better off by asking them questions. Take an unbiased stance and just listen to them. If they see you react, you will have a teen retreating back to their bedroom. This isn’t the time to tell them to go bed and just not finish their work; you will have a teen who doesn’t sleep that night. Working on their perfectionistic tendencies needs to happen at other times when they are not stressed. Remember that you need to give them the tools ahead of time, instead of just when they are feeling anxiety.

7. Be their role model. Kids take after their role models. They’re watching you stay up until all hours to get that one project finished for your own job. They’re watching what you do when you mess up that recipe while cooking. Let them see you relax and having some fun. Let them see you put down that phone even though there are ten texts waiting for you as you’re talking to them. Share with them the PROCESS of how you achieved something successful. Don’t just share the success.

8. Loosen up your standards. We’ve talked a lot about self-imposing perfectionism, but it can also be imposed from others. As parents and teachers, are your expectations realistic for each child? That doesn’t mean you have to let your child fail academically; you need to have realistic standards.

Sometimes you may need to look at your standards for your child’s social-emotional success as well. If your child doesn’t want to go to a school dance, and you can’t understand why since you LOVED school dances in school, you might need to look at it from their point of view. Are you causing them more anxiety by expecting them to live up to your standards of what a “perfect teen life” should look like? Yes, it’s important for them to socialize with other teens, but does that mean that they need a huge group of friends who go out each weekend? Let them know it’s okay to have just a few close friends.

9. Set a realistic schedule. Teach your kids how to break down a schedule in order to overcome procrastination. Show them how you break down big tasks as an adult. Hang a big wall calendar in their room, if they don’t use a Google calendar, and have them write out what they are going to accomplish each day. On the flip side, perfectionists also tend to overdo their own schedule. They don’t want to let people down, so they compensate by adding too much to their schedule in and out of school. Instead of prioritizing the important aspects of their life, they devote their energy by doing too much. Show them that everyone needs some down time to relax.

Photo by **Immortal shots** from **Pexels**

10. Celebrate the process and their strengths. One thing I have learned as a teacher is to celebrate the process and the effort that students put into their work, instead of the final grade. Point out the risks that they have taken, instead of just saying, “good job.” For gifted students, many things they do will come easily. When they start taking classes that are more of a challenge, their perfectionistic ways start to rear their ugly heads. They don’t know how to handle not doing something well the first time, so they choose not to try in the first place. If you notice your child starts to not do well in class because he isn’t trying, you might want to think about whether his perfectionism is getting in the way.

Perfectionism isn’t always a bad trait to have. These kids tend to be organized and like to please others. As teachers, we tend to enjoy having perfectionists in our class. Their projects are well-done and they tend to go over and above just to get the A as a grade. They are usually on time to class and are the first ones to raise their hand to answer a question. What we don’t see as teachers is the inner struggle of these kids. We don’t see them fighting with their parents because it’s 2 am and their project isn’t perfect yet. We don’t see them crying because they made a mistake on their math paper, and instead of erasing the mistake, they have to start all over.

This isn’t an easy problem to just “fix.” It’s going to take time to unwind these learned thoughts and behaviors. If you notice your child is suddenly struggling with depression, anxiety, seems more withdrawn than usual, and/or starts to not care about school, then you should definitely look into getting some help for your child. Professionals can give your child the right tools to deal with their thoughts of perfectionism in order to become healthy adults.

*This blog post is dedicated to Rong who encouraged me to start writing about the issues we talk about in our GT Parent Group. He even created flashcards about how to help your child with perfectionism. https://quizlet.com/465237751/helping-kids-with-perfectionism-12112019-flash-cards/

Middle School Parents: Take Heart

09.08.2019 by Judi Holst // Leave a Comment

Even though your kids may ACT like they don’t need you anymore, they do. My students were asked, “What (or who) motivates you the most to do your best at all times?” The most common answer was a parent or their family. (Of course, Elmo was an answer by a boy, but who could blame him.) Keep on truckin’ through these next few years. You play the most important role in your kid’s lives.

Teaching Tip: Make Your Class The One They Talk About From Day One!

08.18.2019 by Judi Holst // 1 Comment

Are you the kind of teacher who was dreading the end of summer, or were you excited to get back to a routine and your students? I admit, I was the first example. I didn’t want to give up my lazy mornings, my lunch with friends, my time with my hubby, and just being “Summer Judi.” Believe it or not, not all students will be as excited to be back on their first day either. When you are a middle school teacher, that is not a shocker. Give them time to talk to friends with some ice-breakers.

Day 1 With Staff

On the first day back to work , I dreaded the routine meetings, the absolutely dreaded “skit” of introducing new staff members that we did each year, and I dreaded having to talk to people in the morning. Ha.

Happily, I was surprised my first day back. Our school has a new principal, and he gave his welcome to staff, we didn’t have to do the skit, and the best part was the ice-breaker we did. The staff competed in groups for a “Selfie/’Usie’ Scavenger Hunt.” We broke into groups, making sure we included at least a new staff member, and we were given a list of things we had to find around the school. We had to complete each task, take a picture of the whole group doing it, and then text it to our administrators. Running around the school like our students would, we tried to get it done before everyone else. I’ve included some of the tasks below:

We had to find something with a teacher/school emblem on it:

My favorite, though, was making your principal do something that middle school kids would do; we had him slide down the railing on the stairs:

To be honest, this is the only thing I remember about our first day. I loved being in a group with people I don’t normally see throughout the day, and it was fun to get to know one of our new staff members.

Day 1 With Students

This could be a great activity to do with your students, either with their phones, Ipads, or cameras. Not sure about having your students run around school on the first day? “Roll It Get To Know You” Yahtzee is another fun ice-breaker. I found this as a free download on Teachers Pay Teachers. Thank you, Carol Miller, for offering it for free. I made the mistake of assuming that most kids had played Yahtzee before, and it was more difficult to explain at first than I had planned. They enjoyed the game once they got the hang of it. How do I know? They asked if they could play it again the next day.

What’s the point of this blog post? Don’t be that teacher that goes over the rules and syllabus your very first day. Give kids a chance to get to know each other and have some fun. Be that class that students will talk about when they get home when their parents ask about their day. I have a feeling you will have kids excited to come to your class that very next day.

Whiteboard Trivia

On an extra note, for some students it’s uncomfortable to come in to the classroom for the first time and not know what do until class starts. Write a question on the whiteboard and encourage them to answer it while they are waiting. You can read more about “Whiteboard Trivia” on my old blog.

Here’s My Sign

08.12.2019 by Judi Holst // 1 Comment

So thankful to my colleague, M.C. for making a Holst sign for my classroom. It matches my pirate colors wonderfully.

4 strategies of how to add CREATIVITY to your lessons

02.17.2019 by Judi Holst // 1 Comment

We all have heard of the 4 Cs: Collaboration, Communication, Critical Thinking, and that last one is the one that captures my heart: CREATIVITY. It is one thing to tell teachers that creativity should be included in our lessons, but no one really gives us ideas of how to do it. Here are four strategies that I learned from other creative educators.

FIRST CREATIVE STRATEGY: DROODLES

If you haven’t read Brian Housand’s blog, I highly recommend it. At a recent training he gave to the teachers of gifted and talented kids in my district, Brian introduced me to DROODLES. These are simple sketches that used to be drawn on napkins.

http://www.folklore.ee/Droodles/variantide_jargi_kahanev

I turned “droodles” into a competition for one of my warm-ups. I put an image on the screen and gave the students one minute to write down as many things as they saw in this image. Is it a bear hugging a tree? Is it four heads looking down a well? Is it an arm with chicken pox? Wait until you see what the students come up with for you. Caution: They aren’t very good at this the very first time. Now, I don’t share my ideas with them until they are done, but once I do, they realize they should look at it from all sides, and your answers don’t have to be serious; they just have to make sense.

Teaching Tip: You could see who has the most answers in the class and have them read them aloud to make sure they make sense, or you could have them see who has the most at their table. Always do this more than once in order to give kids a chance to try it with a different picture. If you google, “droodles,” there will be many examples.

SECOND CREATIVE STRATEGY: MAKE A MEME

Are your students as crazy about memes as mine are in middle school? Showing a lesson on Google Slides? Include a meme. Need some funny posters on your wall? Include a meme. Doing gamification and need a new challenge for your students? Have them create a meme for your subject area. There are many websites out there to create meme, but my favorite one to share with students in BIGHUGELABS.COM. I learned about this website from Lisa Van Gemert, the Gifted Guru. Not only is the website free for students to download their meme, but there are many other choices of how they can show their learning visually and creatively.

THIRD CREATIVE STRATEGY: PLAY “QUESTION THAT” WITH THEM

The memes can take a little preparation, so I like this one because it can also be a great way to sum up a lesson at the end of class. I learned this one from the great Dr. Bertie Kingore. I like this one because it doesn’t take any prep time, unless you want to take it a step forward. It’s as simple as this: the teacher gives a one-word answer, and the students must come up with the questions.

Teacher: The answer is 3.

Student: How many little pigs were there? How many steps should you take when speaking in front of a classroom? What is 6-3?

Teaching Tip: Once again, you could turn this into a competition to see who can come up with the most questions in three minutes. Or you could have two people face off and each one has to come up with a question in less than five seconds until the other person can’t come up with any more questions. You could also have them write them on sticky notes and post for others to see on the wall. You could even have them post them to padlet so others could see the questions right away.

FOURTH CREATIVE STRATEGY: CREATE A SLIDE COMPARISON

This is another strategy that I learned from Brian Housand. Brian made me realize how important it is to give students time to EXPLORE a topic on their own, before you started teaching about it through direct instruction.

Brian shared with us a graphic that showed the US had 1.39 billion pounds of surplus cheese last year. Now, I didn’t know I even cared about this surplus cheese until he gave us ten minutes to just research everything we wondered about it for ten minutes. What the heck? I started slowly on my research because really, who cared? I read through some articles on Google that I found and soon found myself becoming more interested.

It wasn’t until Brian told our group that we needed to create a slide for our class “slide show.” It needed to show a comparison to the number 1.39 billion pounds. Now, he had my full attention. Yes, peer pressure set in. Of course, I AM A MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER, so I wanted to compare it to…POOP. Yes, I said poop. My group, also made up of middle school teachers, gave in my request to find out how much this number equaled in the amount of poop excreted in the world. Here is what we found and the slide we created:

We added our slide to the link shared to the whole class, and we presented it with a lot of pride. This also worked in the other three Cs: collaboration, critical thinking, and communication.

Teaching Tip: Assign each group a slide number if you are using Google Slides. This helps so that one group doesn’t start writing on another’s group’s slide.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

If you’re looking for a way to engage students, that also gives them a chance to be creative, I highly recommend one of these four strategies. You will reach every type of learner, and the students will ask for more. Who doesn’t want THAT to happen in their classroom? It is like you invited them to a creativity party.

Sketchnoting – When Students Take Visual Notes

12.04.2018 by Judi Holst // Leave a Comment

I love when you teach sketchnoting to a 6th grader in another teacher’s class, and she still uses what you taught her the following year in your own class. This is her sketchnote while learning about how to create a “killer” slideshow presentation.

You can read more about sketchnoting on my old blog by clicking here.

You can see why students love sketchnoting by watching my students’ video about it.

Teaching Tip: Get Your Students Thinking Like MacGyver!

11.11.2018 by Judi Holst // 1 Comment

What Would MacGyver Do?

Do you remember the television show “MacGyver”? It was one of the great television shows that started in the 1980s. MacGyver was a secret agent who could get out of any problem just by using ordinary objects around him. There’s nothing like hooking your students when you tell them they get to be secret agents!

Getting Started

Choose three volunteers to come to the front of the room. Those three are secret agents who end up in a precarious situation and have to get themselves out of it by collaborating together. Ask three different students in the audience to name an ordinary object. For example, the three objects could be: a rock, a purse, and a pinecone. Then give the “agents” a life-threatening situation (or ask the audience for one). For example: You are hiking in the Rocky Mountains and encounter a zombie. Working together, the three agents act out how they would use the three objects to escape their situation. I usually give them a minute or two to discuss their scene before they start. Remember to discuss what public speaking skills they used after this activity.

Using It In Different Content Areas

Tip: You could also relate the content that what you are teaching. The agents could be locked in a pyramid or tomb, or they could be in a “sphere” with no windows or doors. Their tools might be something you use in science (microscope, funnel, googles).

Why This Works

If you’re trying to think of a way to engage students in your content area, while also working on their critical thinking skills, then this MacGyver activity is the way to go. You could change to the title to, “What would a scientist do?” “What would a mathematician do?” “What would a historian do?” Of course, my favorite part is that it gives students a chance to work on their communication/collaboration skills.

If you’re looking for another great way to engage students for your vocabulary unit, check out my recent post, “Vocabulary Improv.”

A Day in the Life of Teaching Middle School

11.06.2018 by Judi Holst // 1 Comment

Some days, your students make you laugh without meaning to; it is one of the joys of teaching. This is one of those examples.

I have a birthday board where I post birthdays daily, and the students can write messages to the birthday person on the whiteboard.

Girl: Ms. Holst, what grade is Taylor in? I see that it’s her birthday.

Me: She’s in 6th grade.

Girl: Has she had her period yet?

Me: (Looking at her strangely) What? Why would you want to know if she has had her period? That’s weird.

Girl: Nooooooooo. I mean, has she had your CLASS PERIOD yet? I wanted to know if she would see what I wrote.

Let’s just say I cried laughing, and I couldn’t teach for awhile after that one.

18x Dirtier Than a Toilet? My New Favorite Gadget: PhoneSoap

11.01.2018 by Judi Holst // Leave a Comment

Being slightly germophobic AND a teacher just doesn’t bode well at times. Imagine you’re standing in the front of the room, and you look out at your students. You see that one student digging heartily into his nose because he thinks no one is looking. Later, that period, he walks over to your desk and picks up your stapler. Yes, that same stapler that you have to use for your papers.

Or picture this…you set your phone down on a student’s desk in order to show her what to do on her computer. You haven’t had a chance to wash the desks in awhile and your students’ hands, feet, or booties, have touched that exact same spot. You don’t think about that when you set your phone down.

Or you could have a mouse stuck in the vent above your desk, and it knocks down the dust/dirt/mouse poop over everything on your desk all day. Unfortunately, you also set your phone down in that exact spot. (So thankful to our custodian who has taken care of THAT problem.)

It was at this moment that I started searching for something to disinfect my phone. During my research, I discovered that our phones are 18 times more dirty than a toilet. Umm….ewwww! I was excited when I came across a product that was on Shark Tank (and I LOVE Shark Tank). This product, called PhoneSoap, has clinically proven results that it will kill 99.99% of germs using UV-C light. REJOICE!

It only takes ten minutes and fits any size phone. You put your phone inside the container and it gets right to work. (It says you can put your credit cards and keys inside it too, but…why would you?) You can also charge your phone at the same time. Obviously, I have to trust that this is working, plus I read the reviews of people that have tested it. All I can say is that this is my new favorite gadget. I can now go to sleep with a smile on my face while the PhoneSoap is helping to prep my phone for a new day of adventures at work.

My Story: Trials as a New Teacher

10.09.2018 by Judi Holst // 1 Comment

Once Upon a Time…

My story as a new teacher probably started before some of you were even born. It started in the early 90’s when it was difficult to get a teaching job. Can you imagine? When I graduated from San Diego State University, I applied to a few public schools in the area to no avail. Then I saw a job opening at a Christian private school in San Diego. My first few years were filled with times of “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” (and no, I’m not just talking about my 90’s hair.)

The Good…

My first job was as a kindergarten teacher in a 100% African-American school. Man, I loved my little babies. I can still name each one by name. I can’t believe that they are around 31 years old now.

I relished teaching my kids how to do the morning calendar in both English and Spanish (I wanted to be a bilingual teacher), taught them to read up to small chapter books (it helps when you have them all day), and laughed, sang, and danced a lot. I loved decorating my room (decorations bought with my money and donated by my awesome teacher aunt), learned more about the Bible through our Bible studies, and thrived on learning about my students.

The Bad…

I taught for 9 hours a day, for $10/hour, with no benefits. We didn’t have a plan time, and the teachers served the students their hot lunch in between bites of our own. The women had to wear panty hose and dresses every day, even if we were doing art or PE later that day, and the men had to wear ties.

american bills business cheque — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The Ugly…

Around January, a main pipe broke and our school flooded. My classroom was on the bottom floor. There went all the materials bought with my money! My classroom was moved to the WOMEN’S BATHROOM LOUNGE in the church across the street. Yes, I just said I taught in the bathroom. (At least the kids didn’t get lost on the way to the toilet.) I taught my 17 kindergarteners in the bathroom for a month until we moved into the public school next to it while that school was on break. I shared a classroom with the other kindergarten teacher and her twenty kids. Well, at least until she decided to quit.

Now, I had 38 kindergarteners to myself, and I was now making a whopping $15/hour. Hard to believe. This went on for a few more weeks until our school was ready to move into again. It was like the first day of school starting over with new materials bought with my money and putting up new bulletin boards.

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Second Year of Teaching Story

For some reason, I don’t remember a lot about this year, except for one story. My students were doing an art activity, which included scissors, glue, glitter and markers. After art, it was nap time. Nap time was heaven for me. It was the only time I could grade papers and plan my lessons. The students would sleep under the pod-shaped tables with nice quiet music playing.

Well, it was quiet until I heard a blood-curdling scream. I ran over to the girl who was yelling only to find her holding one of her pigtails in her hand…and it wasn’t attached to her head anymore. One of the boys had stashed a pair of scissors in his pocket and decided to cut off a girl’s braid. She screamed all the way down to the director’s office and continued until her grandma picked her up. I felt terrible!

art art materials color colored pens — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

A Strange Occurrence

I made the big move up to second grade my third year of teaching. I had many of my same kids as my first year, so we became very close.

What I remember most about this year was a strange event. A park was across the street from the school, and we would take our students there to play at least once a week. I would go into the bathroom and ask the drug dealers to leave. They were kind and left with no arguments. One day, we decided to just stay at the church playground, which was connected to the park, because the other teacher wanted to keep it simple.

Suddenly, I heard a bunch of shots fired, and my students hit the ground. Being the city girl that I am, I just figured it was a car backfiring and didn’t react much until my students yelled at me. Come to find out, there was a drive-by shooting at the park, and one man was down! I rushed my students back across the street while they were crying and scared. Questions of “Why does God let that happen?” were asked many times by my kids that week. Of course, I didn’t know the right answer.

crime scene do not cross signage — Photo by kat wilcox on Pexels.com

You Want Me to Teach What?

After those first three years, I decided it was time to move on to a public school. I applied as a substitute teacher to get my feet in the door. One day, I received a substitute job as an 8th grade language arts and social studies teacher in a school in Santee, CA. I was incredibly nervous because those kids were going to be scary. I was wrong. (What was scary was the fact that I didn’t have to have a credential in teaching history, and I had to teach American history now.) Let’s just say, from then on, I knew I had found my right age group to teach, and luckily, I was pretty good at faking my history knowledge, even before the internet. Middle school teaching never entered my mind…not even once, and yet, it has become my favorite. Yes, on some days I question my sanity, but on most days I laugh many times throughout the day.

27 Years Later

This year marks my 27th year of teaching. A lot has changed throughout the years; some occurrences have been good, some bad, and some ugly. Would I do it all over again? Yes. Do I wish things were different for teachers today? Yes. Can I look back at over the 3,000 kids that I have taught and smile? Definitely, YES!

So, the question is, would you go back and do it all over again?